PLUMP

Paying for fertility treatment is certainly more financially stressful, but any cycle that doesn't work is hard, no matter how many you have done. It's just hard. There's not much point trying to relax, because if you're anything like me, there is little else you will be thinking about. I chose to wallow in Buffy and chocolate, and that got me through!

It IS still hard, no matter what. You do get different types of pain and deeper pain as you move along, but it's hard no matter what.

It DOES get easier (at least for me it did) during the 2ww and for the whole process. The pain gets deeper and more gut wrenching, so that's harder, but the fretting over every little process starts to dwindle. I don't know if that's because you start to figure it's not going to happen or what, but I don't worry about the details as much anymore. But this is after 2 yrs.

I also can speak about it freely and without tearing up to other people. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed like I used to be. And I have a lot more composure talkinga bout it since it's more just a part of me now and not something that consumes my life. But like I said, unexpected triggers can now be much more gut wrenching and surprising because the pain has moved so deep.

Hang in there.

I think that is is perfectly ok for you to sometimes be in a shitty place about all of this. It just is. Every month that you try and it does not end up working out (or feels as though it will not work out along the way) is really hard.

I'm so sorry love. Of course it's hard. I would worry about you if it turned into a joy ride tww. Don't feel ashamed or make excuses for why you shouldn't feel this way. You do and it's more than ok. Sending you much peace and many hugs. ox